This morning I found myself holding my eight year old daughter’s hand while she was getting an emergency root canal. We have been trying to pin point her pain for months, even pulled one tooth, but another tooth next to it abscessed. Sigh. As I squeezed her hand I looked past my one year old (who was strapped in her stroller watching Elmo) and onto the city out the window. So many apartments, high rise office buildings, and non of it looks familiar to me. I examine the lines along the buildings and the spacing between them, then the ocean in the distance behind them. Its all so new. So different. We moved to Honolulu six months ago and my eyes and heart still search frantically for familiarity, especially in stressful situations. Nothing about this particular situation is familiar or comforting.
Before I became a mom no one told me how heart wrenching the dentist would be with my children. No one warned me of the intense mom pain I would feel as my daughter held back tears and squirmed as a needle was jammed into her gums. My girls have each had various little cavities here and there and the dentist anxiety is a real thing in our house. Isn’t it for everyone? I would take her place in a second. Endure the pain so she wouldn’t have to. But I know she must, or the infection will worsen. As she breathed in her bubble gum scented laughing gas I could feel her fighting off the panic. I knew speaking to her too much would make her more emotional so I rubbed her hand and gave her firm squeezes so she would know I was there.
This season I am in God often reminds me that I am not alone in my pain. Jesus is gently holding my hand, never leaving, always loving. Firmly reassuring me it will be ok. Staying with me as I go through this painful process. One that He knows I must walk through. I don’t know why, but He does. His love and steadfastness remains.
Know that what God is doing in your life might be painful and heart wrenching, but so necessary. Kind of like an unavoidable root canal.
“Our suffering becomes part of Gods redemption plan.” Latasha Morrison