I lost it yesterday. I cried to a poor unsuspecting officer in the security office of the downtown Honolulu Police Department. It was my 3rd day in a row going there to try to retrieve a few random cards found in the stolen vehicle that was used in a series of crimes Sunday. My daughters and I had our security and peace violated by a punk kid on a crime spree.

Finally on my 4th attempt, after detective signatures needed on the felony file, a contact person in the evidence room, and then an escort to said room (that smelled strongly of drugs) I received a tiny envelope filled with our library and zoo cards, a debit card, and my Sams Club card. Still missing, so much. It feels like so much. MY ID, credit cards, insurance cards, and all my valuables.


But here’s the thing, I sat staring at this security sign, with swollen red eyes and frizzy hair (resembling the torture albino from Princess Bride) and knew I was somehow secure. With everything taken, I still felt peace beyond my understanding.


This process is not easy. A friend asked, “HOW do you have peace?” Let me explain.


This past year it seems every comfort and past security blanket has been stripped from me. While it may seem like a cruel and un-Godlike process, I KNOW that this process is where I actually find God and His security.


Grace abounds in deepest waters. As I moved from a place I called home all my life to an island in the middle of the Pacific, God has continually asked me if He is enough. Yes, He always will be. Will I practice what I preach? Two years ago I was a short drive from my parents, my best friend, my sisters, and all the other places and people I used to draw my security from.


We live in a world full of certainty and security. When we need groceries we have a debit card to go get them. When there is no money in the bank we can use a credit card. When we are tired and needing rest we have the safety of our homes. We are secure behind locked doors and fenced yards with motion lights. When we need support our friends and family are a text message away. Lifting us up and supporting our frail emotions.


Don’t misunderstand me, there are places for these support systems. God has given me great ones. Yet, the challenge to forgo past security and reach for God in what feels like a foreign country has been a challenging and beautiful process. I have never felt more secure with so little “support”.


Job 11:18 says this, “and you will feel secure because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security.”


The joy of surrender is that nothing is mine. So when someone steals my purse, they actually stole it from the Lord. When they assault my kids that actually belong to the Lord. The criminal gets to deal with God and not me. Good luck, pal. God is my defender and I will take hope, rest, and security in that. He carries me through the valley, through the fire, in the deep waters and roughest storms.  AMEN.


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